Fun With Play-Dough

In spite of the header “We have good news!” the people at the Baptist Press website are so not happy. Apparently, the abstinence hearings didn’t go as well as they’d hoped:

Rep. Henry Waxman, who is pro-choice, apparently used his position as chairman of a House committee to organize a one-sided panel of experts to attack the effectiveness of abstinence programs ahead of important funding appropriations discussions. (Source: BP website)

Well, they must pray harder then. Or…they could pull their heads out of that certain dark place, and think for a change. Teenagers want sex; it’s an undeniable fact, and they get in trouble because sex causes pregnancy and STD’s, and your solution is what? Tell them not to have it? That’s it? Wow, that’s brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that?

The one sided reporting of the Baptist Press aside, they did hit the nail on the head when they started bitching about how panelists admitted they wouldn’t fund abstinence education even if it proved effective. That’s right, suckers: that type of message is a private matter, and up to the parents. If you want to tell your own kids abstinence is a good idea, more power to you. But the taxpayers aren’t funding it; we’ve got issues with your ideology-driven solutions. Like the fact that abstinence-only education ignores comprehensive sex-ed. That’s right; we want our teenagers to be informed, not beaten into submission only to grow up thinking sex is filthy and evil, and a source of embarrassment.

Sex-ed. as the Baptists see it:

“How do you get pregnant?”

“Don’t worry about it, just don’t have sex.”

“But how do I get pregnant once I’m married?”

“Don’t worry about it, just don’t have sex.”

“What about STD’s?”

“Don’t worry about it, just don’t have sex.”

“But…”

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, JUST DON’T HAVE SEX!”

On Yahoo today:

“SHANGHAI (Reuters) - The general manager of a Shanghai chemical company was jailed for two years on Thursday for selling fake tablets of the male impotence drug Viagra on the Internet, the official Xinhua news agency reported. Yu Bohuai made a profit of over 60,000 yuan ($8,585) in 2006 and 2007 by selling 14,030 fake tablets to clients abroad and in Shanghai.”

How mean is that? It’s much more than stealing; it’s disappointing discouraged couples, who are sticking out their necks to put some joy back into their lives, all to make a quick buck.  Let’s face it, for many young guys, the biggest problem with sex is finding a woman who actually agrees to that. Then, you find yourself married and older, and you think those worries are over; suddenly, you need a pill to get it up. Life can be cruel.

It can’t be easy, admitting that you need Viagra. Imagine finally getting your hands on some, only to find out they don’t even work. If only you had gone to the doctor and paid full price, you tell yourself; but that’s hindsight. The moment is here, and it is ruined.

Oh well, at least these customers don’t need to worry about those four-hour-erections the commercials always warn about.

Psychologist Gian Gonzaga recently conducted a study at UCLA trying to answer the question, why do we cheat?  It’s a good question, especially this week. Even though we don’t really want to know why when it comes to politicians; we mostly want to know what, with who, and when. Oh, and how often and how much did it cost. And then we want the story repeated on the news 500 times, in case we missed something.

“When it comes to resisting sexual temptation and remaining faithful to one’s partner in life, The Beatles got it right: All You Need Is Love. A new study published Wednesday said that people who are in love with their partners are less attracted to other people.”

Really? But all those cheating husbands always say they really love their wives. Weird!

The study goes on to say:

“But when it comes to love and lust, this otherwise reliable human trait — get it while you can — leads to a paradox: Why do people in stable relationships so often pass up the chance for a little sexual gratification on the side, even if they can get away with it?”

Because we’re not stupid, that’s why. It has nothing to do with having morals or being a stronger or better person; it’s all about street smarts. When you cheat, people find out (don’t shake your head, you know they will sooner or later…) and then you’ll be in trouble.  Deep trouble. The kind of trouble that comes for a visit, makes itself comfortable, and stays a while. And just in case your partner really doesn’t have a clue, you’ll have to be on your toes for the rest of your life.

Read the full article:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/sciencepsychologysexloveoffbeat;_ylt=Ai4QIfe3NosGD7PAEIHM1r0jr7sF

We have: sex industry (yes, we’re not done), mortgage crisis, and primary woes. 

Yum; more sex talk on Larry King tonight. Good old Larry, I knew he would milk this like an overripe cow.  Not even there, and he still manages to pull the sex strings. I imagine him saying; hey, I can’t make it tonight, but can somebody make sure the topic is sex, sex, and more sex? Oh, I know! We’ll get Dr. Drew! Isn’t he sort of bored anyway, now that Celebrity Rehab is over and done with?

Hurrah for Sex.

My husband had a great idea. How about the government, instead of dumping their money on Wall Street, or giving us a tax cut that, let’s face it, really isn’t going to help anybody, buys up all the houses that are for sale right now? From what we’re hearing, people are having a bit of difficulty selling their houses. They can put returning service men in these houses, and the people that they buy from can move on and buy a new house; there would be a ripple effect, and voilà, housing market improves. There. 

One Florida voter said he had no appetite for another primary, and he added: This is a great lesson for the National Democratic Party.

What lesson would that be? Don’t tell Florida what to do because they can’t effing follow instructions? 

I have the prefect solution. We take every single politician in Florida, put him or her in jail for a week or two, preferably solitary lock-up, then we ask them: Are you ready to play ball? If they hem and haw, we throw them in the sea and tell them not to come back.

Then we’ll give all of Florida to Louisiana; they could use the tourism and besides, as shady as Louisiana’s reputation is when it comes to politics, at least they didn’t screw up the primary. 

Madams and Hookers and Pimps, oh my.

It seems Mr. Spitzer has handed the media a fantastic excuse for bringing the business of sex front and center. Finally, the American public has an almost Hollywood like backdrop for smut-talk. It is just like the movies, isn’t it? Pretty girls, down on their luck, the Johns that sleep with them, huge amounts of money changing hands; oh, the scandal, the horror! Except this time it’s not HBO, it’s real life, or a facsimile thereof.

Bring on Dr. Laura, our favorite homo-hating drama queen, spilling her condescending guts all over the television screen; Pah-Leeze. Of course she has all the answers; hearing her talk, for the first time in days I find some sympathy for Spitzer. However bad the choices he’s made, he doesn’t deserve this.  Could someone please dig in her past for a bit and find something that will shut her up for good?

What expert guests will be on tomorrow night to put in their two cents’ worth? I vote for Tony Soprano, and bring on Hugh Grant and a couple of strung-out crack addicts while you’re at it.  I bet they will be more informative and easier to watch than Dr. Laura.

Maybe the anchors can dress for the occasion; after all, it’s almost Purim. That means it’s high time for an entertaining Farce.

Look it up.