Fun Anti-Republican Email #1

Circulating on the internet (with thanks to my Mother-in-law, who was kind enough to forward this)

Subject: FW: To Be a Republican

 

 

To be a Republican you need to believe:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority should continue to be enforcing U.N.
resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO’s and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting “Executive Privilege” for every Republican ever born, who will be born, or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960’s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80’s is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

If you don’t send this to at least 10 other people, we’re likely to be stuck with more Republicans in ‘08.

Friends don’t let friends vote Republican.
 

 

McCain Doesn’t Get Iowa

 

Not one of his 7+ houses

With the recent Hurricane problems in the South, it is easy to forget about other areas that still need a lot of attention. Take Iowa, for example; after being ravaged by floods this year, the state saw a slow trickle of government aid. The total clean up costs are now estimated at $504 million, while an additional $810 million will be needed to protect against future floods. However, these numbers change on a regular basis, because with a disaster of this magnitude, it takes time to truly assess damage. Crops that will not be harvested, termite problems, hundreds of businesses and private residences decimated, and psychological damage to the victims who are wondering whether anybody really cares; they all combine into an ugly picture for Iowa.

 

When McCain and Obama scheduled a campaign stop during the flooding, Iowa Gov. Chet Culver asked both candidates to cancel their plans to ensure all local police could focus on the flooding rather than be diverted to candidate security.

Obama agreed to cancel his trip to the Cedar Rapids area, but McCain proceeded with a tour of Columbus Junction, a severely flooded community in southeast Iowa.

 

It seems McCain just doesn’t get it; while he is visiting Iowa today to hold a rally at the Eastern Iowa Airport (five miles outside of Cedar Rapids) his schedule does not allow him to go and visit the actual city.  He is blatantly ignoring Iowa residents who have asked him to come and survey the damages. Busy, busy, busy, or so the campaign claims. Never has it been more obvious what the McCain camp is thinking: vote for me, while I spit in your face. How hard would it be to change your schedule, skip the goddamn rally and just go and see some of the ravaged area? Where’s your maverick attitude now? It would draw some much needed attention to the fact that Iowa has been all but forgotten, would create a nice photo-op, and McCain would avoid the negative publicity he’s getting out of ignoring what Iowans care about. Because if I know one thing about Iowans, they will not keep quiet about this.

 

The total damage, although numbers keep growing, and damages are still hard to assess, is estimated to reach $10 billion, Governor Chet Culver says. Let’s elect a President who actually cares enough to do something about that.

The Rise and Fall of Sarah Palin

 

Her shit does stink

After telling Charlie Gibson she “welcomes” the investigation into her firing of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan, Palin now has second thoughts. Figures; where at first it seemed fun to be the VP candidate (and a great reason to buy some new lipstick!) she is now slowly realizing being in the public eye isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For instance, people suddenly hold you, like, accountable. Who expected that?! It must be the Democrats’ fault! After Alaska lawmakers voted last Friday to subpoena Palin’s husband, several aides, and multiple phone records, the Palin camp was quick to state that Democratic supporters (read: Alaska State Senator Hollis French, among others) are “manipulating the inquiry for public motivation.” French has announced that the investigation might hold an “October surprise”, reason enough to send Palin & co running for the woods.

 

Palin insists Monegan was fired for budgetary reasons, while Monegan maintains he was fired because he didn’t give in to pressure to fire Palin’s ex-brother-in-law State trooper Wooten. Muddling the issue even more is Wooten himself, who is about as untrustworthy as they come. I wouldn’t want that man on anybody’s payroll, especially if that payroll involved him carrying any kind of authority. However, if Monegan’s claims are true, Palin seriously overstepped her boundaries, and she needs to answer for that.

If she has nothing to hide, why hinder the investigation? 

Then, things got even stickier: Palin allies filed suit today, asking a judge to halt the investigation altogether, calling in “McCarthyistic, unlawful, and partisan.”

 

People who rise fast in the public eye, just as often fall even faster. Palin is no different; from “fresh and promising” she has gone to tired and “more of the same” in the span of just a few short weeks. Even the Republicans must realize this couldn’t last; popularity built on tired jokes fed by a teleprompter usually doesn’t.

 

Moose- and lipstick jokes aside; Palin is showing her true colors by not being open with the public. She is not cooperating with the investigation, repeating a canned speech over and over, not offering us anything to inspire confidence, and jumping on the attack ad bandwagon with the enthusiasm of a German shepherd who smells a treat. She has lied about that stupid bridge, her earmarks, and exaggerated her experience.

Maybe we are wrong about her lack of experience after all. It seems that with her on-again, off-again relationship with the truth and her in-your-face arrogance, she’d fit right in.  If, G-d forbid, these two clowns win the election, we can build a tall tower next to the White House and call it Isengard.