Fun With Play-Dough

Yes, I did practice saying “Medvedev”.  Just like the Russians, to replace the easily pronounceable Putin with such a tongue twister. Mean Russians. I asked my six-year-old to say it; it took her three tries before she finally nailed it.

Anyway…more difficult decisions for the US government; what will we do with Michael Jackson’s Ranch? Shall we turn it into a prison for anti-Semitic crotch grabbers? It already has really high gates. 

It could be made into a Ronald McDonald house; it’s probably big enough to house 50 families at a time and has lots of toys.

Wait! Isn’t there a studio at Neverland? Let’s take Bill Cunningham and Rush and lock them up; we’ll tell them they’re on the air but of course we all know they won’t be. They can rant and rave and have their little shit-fest together without any of us having to listen to them any longer.

O’Reilly can live there too, and Bay Buchanan can come and do the cooking. Oh sorry, that’s sexist. 

By the way, does anybody know what happened to that monkey? What? He has his own conservative radio show? Really?

Well, seems like a logical career choice to me. 

Watching the news often raises more questions than it answers; without fail, I end up on the Internet afterwards, frantically trying to find out what the hell everybody is talking about. For instance, why are so many people wetting their panties over Hillary’s tax returns? Call me naive, but what are they expecting to find?

Hillary is secretly funding Al Qaida training camps! She’s on Halliburton’s payroll! She’s paid $10,000 for Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby!

I’m afraid it’s nothing that exciting. And unless somebody out there makes like a daddy penguin, swallows her tax papers whole, digests, pukes them back up and then forces them down my throat, I’m not going to lose any sleep over this.

Sorry for the run-on sentence; I’m irritated.

I can barely stand to look at my own taxes, -no; of course I haven’t done them yet- so why do I want to look at hers?

That debate wasn’t exciting anyway. First of all, CNN disappointed in that they didn’t do their usual thing: show the whole soap opera, chew on it for a while, then show it again, and follow up with a promise to repeat it two more times in the next 48 hours. Second, they wasted valuable air time by letting King visit with Valerie Bertinelli. Sigh.  Jennie Craig, I hate you. Please go away.

Honestly, the only happy news today, as far as I’m concerned, came from the NY Philharmonic spreading goodwill In North Korea.  Art beats politics every time, doesn’t it?

Loyal McCain supporters in Cincinnati, Ohio, invited Bill Cunningham because “they thought he could help”.

Help with what? Getting press coverage? They were right about that; still, this was sort of like inviting Jeffrey Dahmer to work the nightshift at the local mortuary. (Look it up)

Cunningham seems like fun; I wonder if he does birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs?

Is he sitting at home as we speak, hoping that Bill O’Reilly saw him on television; wondering if O’Reilly will finally reply to his emails? 

On another note: according to the Clinton campaign, it’s all the media’s fault.  Sure it is. Let’s ignore for a second that there is no such thing as one single-minded unified media, and look at what all this complaining gets us. A fantastic candidate, that should appear strong and determined, comes off instead as a whiny kindergartner, pointing fingers in all the wrong directions. Another candidate, who is supposed to defend himself against the accusation that he is a press favorite; if he is indeed the favorite of a majority of journalists, how do you think he got there?

I’ve said it before; this is not the playground, it’s politics.

I would like to be able to tell the difference.

Maybe what the Clinton campaign should acknowledge is that change is already happening. It doesn’t come from the press, and it doesn’t come from the candidates; this time it’s coming from the ones that really matter: the voters.  And that’s no joke.

Here comes another debate, and it’s time for Hill and Obama to answer some questions.  Yes, we want universal health care, yes we want better education and less student loans, and yes, we are tired of the war. But unfortunately, there are some additional issues that aren’t getting the necessary attention.

For instance,

• Will those Head-on commercials finally be outlawed?
• Can we look forward to a Hannah Montana-free existence?
• Can we do something about the weather? It’s been particularly heinous lately and we’re tired of it.
• I would like fewer golf courses and more art-house cinema; can we switch some of those?
• Strip Malls are ugly; I am sure there are some very poor but hardworking and talented design students that can help.
• Milk and tomatoes are too expensive lately; please fix.
• Tampons should be cheaper as well. I mean, it’s not as if we can actually say, hey, I’ll skip them this month.
• All eggs should be from cage free chickens. Honestly.
• More subsidies for city snow plows. I’ve had the same sheet of ice in front of my house for three months.
• There should be a mandatory day off for parents, where a government nanny comes in and lets you off the hook. Say, once a month?
• No more school vacations. Okay, maybe two weeks in the summer, but other than that, keep the little monsters in the classroom.  All you have to do is increase the teacher’s pay by 500%; trust me, a piece of cake once we stop funding this war, and the parents won’t complain. I promise. Imagine: smart kids, relaxed parents, teachers who can actually pay the rent, what’s not to like?

I will be watching tonight’s debate for any of these issues. Don’t disappoint me.

I just have to say it: how dare Obama put on a dress.  Bad, bad Obama!

That’s it: the Repu’s will certainly win the election now; it’s the worst political scandal since Watergate; we’re done, cue Mozart’s Requiem, it’s over.

Except, nobody cares.

On another note; it appears that Romney’s son is itching to be just like his daddy; Josh Romney may be running for Congress in, where else, Utah. Now, I would be the last person to deny anybody the right to run for Congress; whether you’re rich, poor, male, female, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Kermit the Frog; it’s a free country and you should go for it.

However. History has proven that being related to a politician does not always mean you should be one too. What is it with these political families? The Doles, the Roosevelts, the Adams’, the Kennedy’s, the Bushes, and now the Romneys? America has never had royalty, and it should stay that way.

Even Obama can’t escape his genes: he is a distant relation of Dick Cheney, about whom a nasty rumor has been circulating. Sources say he was born in Lincoln, Nebraska (45 minutes from where I live) but that is not true. He was actually created in a lab at Offutt Air Force Base. They have many; we see them all the time. I saw one shopping at Bed, Bath, and Beyond the other day. He was buying towels.

I hope, when the Democrats take back the White House, they make them break the mold.