Fun With Play-Dough

How to make a decision once and for all:

• Has anybody ever doubted the fairness of playing “eenie-meenie-minie-mo”? (how the hell do you spell that, anyway?)
• A Zoolander-style Walk-off, televised in real time
• Mud wrestling. Seriously; Let’s see how that pant suit holds up.
• Political Jeopardy; the public can design the questions
• Tequila
• Monopoly Marathon
• Three-way staring contest
• Very High Stake Poker  
• Pin the tail on the donkey; use Cheney for the donkey.  Rename it “shoot the donkey”.
• Go Fear Factor; have Andrew Zimmern pick the menu. Don’t tell them the rules. Whoever is stupid enough to eat that rare Thai regurgitated Scorpion dish does not get the Presidency.
• Take a key to the White House, encase it in cement and drop to on the bottom of Lake Pontchartrain. Finder’s keepers.

What?! Who the hell is Bob Barr? Is he related to Roseanne Barr? And why does he deem it necessary to announce now, at the eleventh hour? And why does he wear those ugly glasses? And why would somebody who was so much in the forefront during the Clinton Impeachment now assist the Democratic Party by messing with McCain?

My husband thinks he’s just bitter because he likes neither McCain nor Obama, and we’re pretty much sure that it’s going to be Obama and not Hillary. However, I doubt that Barr has any fuzzy feelings for Hillary either; for that matter, he could have been a little speedier with his announcement. Still, this is puzzling. The man must realize there is absolutely no chance in hell he will come within flying distance of the presidency. If he thinks he’s got a chance, he needs a medication adjustment, as do those that support him financially.

Nader supporters can be forgiven because there’s a genuine passion involved in supporting him, and an idealism that doesn’t really hurt anyone. Barr supporters, however, need to have their heads examined. I suggest they send their money somewhere where it’s actually needed. Oklahoma, Georgia, Myanmar, you name it.

Continuing to whine about Hillary’s math is like trying to milk the bull while the cow is standing a few feet away; wondering when the hell anybody is going to pay attention to her.

Sorry for the run-on sentence, but there is no story here, and I wish the media would stop trying to create one.

Meantime, some bad reports are coming from the Windy City. I have a bit of a soft spot for Chicago; it was he first place I landed when I immigrated to America. The man who is now my husband indulged my need to go to all the usual places a fresh immigrant likes to see, from Dunkin’ Donuts to Macy’s, and I have fond memories. We even went back for our honeymoon, although it was so bloody cold my face froze within ten seconds of leaving our hotel.

With the recent increase in violence, the city has decided to up security, and the cops have been handed some fun new weapons. Will it help? Maybe; if they don’t shoot their eye out first.

I know what Chicago needs: a real life Batman. I can just see him swinging from the Sears Tower. Hey, isn’t Huckabee looking for a new high-profile job? I wonder if the black-rubber-look would work for him.

The Republicans seem to think the general election is in the bag; and their propaganda machine is in full swing.

Case in point: Republican mouthpiece Leslie Sanchez, writing this morning on the CNN website, under the title “A House Divided”, once again hammering the point home that we’re taking too long, and we can’t close the deal. She claims Obama can’t connect with females or seniors, Clinton has alienated black voters. The race for the nomination is getting ugly, and Sanchez is one of many Republicans licking their chops.

How is it possible that we let it get this far? On the heels of 8 Bush years, we should be able to take the White House blindfolded, with our fingers up our nose. Yet, we get bogged down in primary malaise, can’t pick a candidate, while the Republicans are positively creaming in their pants at the sight of such political quicksand.

But the Republicans are congratulating themselves a little too soon. They forget one thing: eventually, we will have one candidate, and when that moment arrives, the gloves are coming off.

That’s okay. Let the Republicans think we are self-destructing; let them think that we’re the hare and they are the turtle. They’ll find out in due time it’s the other way around.

After last night, Howard Dean’s blood pressure must have risen some more. What did the Pennsylvania Primary change? Well, nothing. Not that anybody expected that, but still; this is getting tiresome. Not only do we not have a nominee now, we most likely won’t have one after May 6 either, and with this mess going all the way to the Convention, McCain can watch the Democrats potentially self destroy.

The Washington Post claims that fewer Democratic voters are willing to vote for the ‘other candidate’ in the general election; instead, they will vote Republican or not vote at all.

I find that really hard to believe. When your candidate doesn’t win, you pick the next best thing. For Democrats, the next best thing is not McCain, as much as the Republican propaganda machine would like us to believe that. It’s fear mongering, nothing more, nothing less. They know we continue to be depressed about the last two elections, and hope we’ll go into a tailspin.

Remember when you were little, and you really wanted a particular piece of candy? But your mom said no, and you got so pissed, you said: ”Fine! Then I want nothing at all!”

Do you also remember the immense regret that set in immediately after you made that statement?

Electing McCain into the White House would be a mistake; electing him with the help of pissed off Democrats would be much, much worse.