If Batman Had a Cat

 

Stay away from me

 

 

Ted and Valerie Rock adopted their cat Yoda when they found him in a bar. The owner had him caged for the customer’s amusement. I’m not sure Yoda will be pleased with all this attention, but he sure looks a lot cooler than our cats.

Animal Love

 

Hubba Hubba?

 

 

Associating animals with sex; it’s a problem of international proportions.

From time to time we read about men getting a little too cozy with their animals (often some unsuspecting dog is the victim). Such was the case with Michael Patrick McPhail, from Spanaway Wa., who was caught humping the family dog in 2006. Also in ‘06, problems arose when a man by the name of Ronald Kuch was found getting it on with the five day old cadaver of a dog, in full view of a day care center, no less.

This morning I read one of those fantastic headlines that you don’t want to click on, but you do it anyway: British Man Arrested for Sex Attacks on Sheep.

Okay, no, I’m lying: I totally wanted to click that link. Details of the case are minimal: the man is 27 years old, he is being held at his home in South London, and is also wanted for drug possession with intent to distribute. Which is a lot less irregular than the animal love he apparently has been feeling.

If you were like me, imagining these things happening only under the cloak of night, you’d be wrong. He was caught in the act by two joggers as well as stable employees. While the investigation is ongoing, the man has been banned from all farmland.

Maybe the Saudis have it right after all. The religious police (what?!) have announced a ban on owning cats and dogs as pets. The reason? Men use their animals as a means to flirt with women, which is very bad:

“Othman al-Othman, head of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in Riyadh, known as the Muttawa, told the Saudi edition of al-Hayat daily that the commission has started enforcing an old religious edict. He said the commission was implementing a decision taken a month ago by the acting governor of the capital, Prince Sattam bin Abdul Aziz, adding that it follows an old edict issued by the supreme council of Saudi scholars. The reason behind reinforcing the edict now was a rising fashion among some men using pets in public “to make passes on women and disturb families,” he said, without giving more details.”

 

Odd, yes; but then, this is the same country that still allows public flogging.

Correct Me If I’m Wrong…

For once, I didn’t need to scour the internet for weird news stories; they’re happening right here in our own city. Omaha police recently arrested 33-year-old Juan Briceno, for driving under the influence. They left him alone for two seconds in the office, and came back to discover he had used that time to drink the correction fluid. Apparently the man was convinced the it would help him pass the Breathalyzer test. It didn’t, but it did get him a trip to the emergency room, and provided the officers with a good laugh. His alcohol level was 0.28 percent, 3 ½ times the legal limit.

On July 23, the Omaha Humane Society pulled 117 cats, one raccoon, and one rabbit out of a North Omaha home. Some of the cats were dead, others were so sick they’ll have to be put down. Many of the cats had open sores, there were feces everywhere, and it’s not the first time. Owner Hanae Kaea has been cited twice before for cat-hoarding. She claimed she ‘rescued’ the feral cats, and the reason for the filth was that she had a doctor’s appointment to go to.

“I changed all of the litter boxes, I fed all of the animals and made sure they all had clean water and everything before I had to go to a doctor appointment. The next 5 or 6 hours I would have spent cleaning up after them like I always do,” she said. 

Right. Because she’s such a humanitarian, she once upon a time was cited for child neglect because she fed the cats instead of her teenage son. Except, she wasn’t at the doctor’s office; she was at the supermarket, getting arrested for shoplifting cat food. According to the police report, she smelled like cat pee when she was busted, which surely gave the cops enough reason to say Here we go again… they’ve pulled more than 200 cats out of her home in the past.