Fun With Play-Dough

Yes, Dubyah, it is a recession. I know it’s hard for you to understand, because you’re still able to put a nice big T-bone on that BBQ, but for most of us, the pickings are slim. Now that we’re all getting a little desperate, some people are, of course, overdoing it. 21-year-old Charles Fuller from Fort Worth stole a check from his girlfriend’s mother, filled it out himself, and tried to cash it.

Maybe he would have gotten away with it, except for the fact that he wrote it for $360 billion.  Crime doesn’t pay; it just highlights how stupid you are.

Speaking of, a Japanese man, who was employed by the city of Kinokawa, logged on to porn sites 780,000 times in eight months. Strangely enough, he wasn’t fired: he was demoted and received a pay cut.

And the romantic wedding stories just keep coming: a New York couple was arrested after a disagreement with the band; they trashed their congas, and the bride destroyed a speaker. The police used stun guns on both the bride and groom. I have to ask, is trouble with the law the bridal accessory du jour?

Dress, check; tiara, check; arrest warrant, check.

Every once in a while, I read a news story that tastes about as good as a dish of Gumbo that’s been sitting out in the sun for five hours.

While visiting New Orleans and making a ton of empty promises, McCain was asked about the comments of Texas televangelist John Hagee. Hagee has said, “Hurricane Katrina was God’s retribution for homosexual sin”. Because, you know, everyone in New Orleans is gay. When my husband and I lived there, we magically turned gay too. It’s the real reason Bush never wants to visit; he’s worried he’ll return to the White House with a boyfriend. And it says in the Bible that if you’re gay, the levees will break and the government will become even more incompetent than before.

Wait; no, it doesn’t.

I wonder what God’s punishment would be for being a stupid judgmental fuck.

While McCain repudiated Hagee’s verbal diarrhea, he never renounced the pastor’s endorsement. Then, he made some comments about Barack Obama, whose former pastor’s incendiary remarks also have come under the microscope.

“I didn’t attend Pastor Hagee’s church for 20 years,” McCain said. “There’s a great deal of difference between someone who endorses you, and other circumstances. (Source: AP)

What other circumstances? Besides, that’s not a fair comparison; nobody could hear Hagee preach week after week without becoming violently ill.

So if anyone says something hateful, and then endorses McCain, it’s okay because he or she is not his pastor? How does that work? If this is the logic with which McCain hopes to convince voters, he is sending a clear message: he thinks the voters are dumb.

That filthy hypocrite.

Condoleezza Rice said the Bush administration explicitly warned former President Carter against meeting with members of Hamas; and yet, he went anyway. Imagine that, someone thinking for himself and ignoring the government.

Not that I advocate anybody meeting with Hamas, or any other terrorist group, but I have to ask, what is Condi bitching about?

Look, the government can’t very well send an official delegation into this mess, but in the meantime, someone needs to try and talk some sense into these people. It might as well be a former President, who has a decent track record brokering peace.  And it provides the US government with some reasonable deniability; if things really go sour, they can always claim he’s too old to think straight. Surely there’s a spin-doctor twiddling his thumbs somewhere in the White House?

I quite like Carter taking on the role of rogue politician, besides, if we have to wait for Washington to make any kind of decision, we’ll never see light at the end of the tunnel.

And Condi, stop being so bitter; you’re just jealous because you keep flying into the Middle East without anybody ever listening to you.

In other news, Bush chose New Orleans as a meeting place for his negotiations with Canadian and Mexican officials; seeing him sitting there makes me a little bit sick.

Why don’t you hit the streets, cowboy; go take a closer look at how the rest of the city is doing. You’re like the little boy who “forgot” to finish cleaning his room before turning on the TV.  You still have some work to do down south, you dipshit. Get to it.

The State Children’s Health Insurance Program is just complicated enough to not get the media attention it deserves. While the candidates are making promises about health care, the current government is quietly screwing with those programs already in place. Who cares if all those children below the poverty line are insured or not? Survival of the fittest, and all that.

So I was happy to see the following article in The NYT; it serves as a reminder of why it is so urgent that we get rid of Bush, and all those that think like him. The selfishness and arrogance that has been so rampant during these past seven years needs to come to an end. Lives literally depend on it. Read it, weep, and vote Democrat.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/19/washington/19health.html?ref=todayspaper

Do we dare listen to the debate tonight? I am wondering if Hillary will have anything new to share, or if it will be more of the same. I think we’ve just about had it with Rev. Wright and the accusation of elitism. We want something new, so here are some pointers for this evening’s Democratic debate that will allow the candidates to talk about stuff that actually matters:

1. Gun control, baby!  Today is the anniversary of the Virginia Tech bloodbath; it’s the perfect time to address this issue once and for all. It is still too easy for anybody to get their hands on a gun; no one needs an AK 47 in their linen closet. No one. No disrespect, but the NRA lost its leader; right now they are at their weakest. Strike while the iron is hot.
2. The environment continues to be a hot button; it’s never enough. Bush just gave a rambling speech today; advisors for both campaigns should have plenty of time to rip it apart before tonight’s event. Explain why he is useless, and how the Dems can do a better job. Honestly, you’ve got Gore in your party; this is a no-brainer.
3. A long and detailed discussion of how education will be improved under Democratic rule. Use big words, so Conservative talk show hosts can’t respond right away.
4. Speaking of conservative talk shows; can they be outlawed? We all know Free Speech doesn’t really exist.  Ask Reverend Wright.
5. Bring back jobs by super-taxing Wal-Mart for buying crap from China. And for not paying their employees enough. And for constructing these ugly buildings all over the place. And for being Wal-Mart.

Just some ideas; I’ll have more later but I’m running out of time. Get to work! And Hill, I still like you, but if you say the word “bitter” even once tonight, I’m giving up for good.