When Wade Churchward (there’s a joke here somewhere, but I’m going to let it go) got the munchies, he did what any self-respecting stoner would do: he went to the gas station to get M&M’s. Only after eating some of them in line did he realize the problem: he didn’t have enough cash. Still, no biggie; he simply offered some leftover pot to the cashier. Unfortunately, there was a cop in line behind him.
Why do stoners never remember they’ll get the munchies until after smoking the pot? Be a little prepared! For the last time, get your snacks first, and then light up.
Summer is almost here, and that means more idiots are leaving their caves every day to do stupid things under the wide-open sky. In Harrisburg, Pa., an airline pilot by the name of Jeffrey Bradford decided to go have sex in the woods with, whom else, a flight attendant. Her name was Adrianna Grace Connor; they became separated and spent some time wandering around the forest. Adrianna stole a flashlight, they lost their clothes, it all was a lot less fun than they had envisioned. Neighbors called police because they spotted a naked man and a drunken woman; a helicopter with heat seeking equipment had to be called in. Bradford was found hiding behind a shed; nice visual there.
I wonder if they’re still dating after all this?
Both have been suspended, but still. Make sure you don’t fly Pinnacle Airlines. Ever.
The Dumbass award of the week goes to Kevin Lewis Waits of Waco, Texas. He called 911 fifteen times because he felt the wait for his taxi was too long; when the police arrived at his apartment, there was a taxi waiting. Except: Waits did not have enough money to cover the fare. He then had to be taken to the hospital because he told the police he had taken Meth. If I was that stupid, I might do the same.
