Fun with Politics (132)

There is one rule regarding Presidential candidates that few journalists ever talk about, and it has to do with looks. A candidate doesn’t need to be hot; we don’t want to be distracted by sultry looks and wavy hair; nobody wants to see a President that belongs on the cover of a romance novel. Instead, we need someone who is neutral to look at; not too handsome, not too ugly, but somewhere in the middle. A face that is a bit boring, if you will, but above all, inoffensive. A face that would look good on both your mailman and your Rabbi; a face that doesn’t compete with those endless grey suits and non-descript ties. A face that is neither pleasant nor unpleasant.

It’s one of the few positive things I can say about George: at least, when he is on TV, I don’t go “Jesus!” at the sight of him. His voice, yes, but his face is, well, just bland enough for the leader of the free world.

Which is why it is such a bad idea for Robert Barr to run: the man was not blessed with a pleasing countenance. The glasses don’t help. It’s even worse when he speaks; the way his skin moves around his skull is reminiscent of a wooden pin rolling out bread dough. It’s like he’s being worked over by an invisible massage therapist, and it’s hurting. Besides: President Barr? Are you kidding me? Do you know how many jokes we can make based on that name alone?

Granted, Cheney is really ugly, too. I’ll give you that. But: that’s why he is the Vice, and not the President.