Fun With Play-Dough

Sadness in the Obama camp, endless looping of Reverend Wright’s comments: it’s time for a distracting news update:

When Kasey Kazee from Catlettsburg, Kentucky decided to rob a liquor store, he, of course, needed to conceal his face. What better way to do that than by wrapping your head in duct tape? Except for the fact that employees tackled him in the parking lot, and handed him over to police. Total missing from the cash register: $15.

I’m imagining the cops ripping the duct tape off his face.

Here comes the Bride, and there she goes…to jail. Dentist David W. Wielechowski, 32, of Shaler, and Christa Vattimo, 25, had married a month earlier in the Bahamas but repeated their vows in Pittsburgh Saturday at a reception for 150 guests. Apparently, this was not a good idea, as they got into a fight afterwards, during which the groom karate kicked his wife. She then somehow attacked two guests from another party who attempted to help her. True love is a beautiful thing.

An inmate in Bentonville, Arkansas, who is on trial for murder, has filed a complaint because the jail menu isn’t to his liking. He went in weighing 413 pounds, but has lost 100 over the past eight months. Broderick Laswell is practically wasting away; whenever he tries to exercise, his vision goes blurry and he feels faint. Inmates are only being fed 3,000 calories a day. It’s a travesty; what is the world coming to, if all you did was stab someone to death, set his house on fire, and you can’t even eat what you want?

Meanwhile, Iran’s cultural integrity is going straight to pot. The culprit: Barbie. Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi agrees with me; he wrote a letter to the Vice President of Iran to draw attention to the terrible Western influences of Barbie, Superman, Batman, and so forth and so on. They are calling it “Westoxication”, and it needs to be stopped. Incidentally, Iran is the world’s third biggest importer of these toys. Many toys are smuggled into the country, because the demand outweighs the respect for Iran’s cultural heritage. Apparently, many people care more about making money than about their integrity. Seems there’s hope for Iran after all. However; what does it tell us that this cleric seems to feel more threatened by a plastic doll than by our government?