Fun with Politics (118)

This gets prettier all the time. We were probably all wondering, after hearing about the FLDS compound, how many more of these idiots live amongst us. Here’s another one: Police in Albuquerque, New Mexico, paid a visit to the aptly named Lord of Our Righteousness Church, whose leader claims to be the Messiah. Three underage children were taken into custody; leader Wayne Bent a.k.a. Michael Travesser says God anointed him as the Messiah in 2000.

“He acknowledged having sex with three women - the wives of two of his followers and his daughter in law. He said it was at the direction of God and the instigation of the women. In a lengthy discussion dated Sept. 11, 2007, Bent said his work is finished and he does not expect to be “in the earthly sphere” much longer”. (Source: AP)

Ah, it was because God wanted it. Funny. That last part sounds like a goodbye note to me; somebody better put this man on suicide watch.

Meantime, 41 of the 464 FLDS children (all boys) that remain in custody show signs of multiple fractures. That answers the question of what they do to the kids they can’t marry off to middle aged guys. But, of course, nothing is going on; the FLDS members “just love their children and want them back”.

And people think we Jews are weird because we don’t eat pork. 

Fun with Politics (117)

In spite of the header “We have good news!” the people at the Baptist Press website are so not happy. Apparently, the abstinence hearings didn’t go as well as they’d hoped:

 

Rep. Henry Waxman, who is pro-choice, apparently used his position as chairman of a House committee to organize a one-sided panel of experts to attack the effectiveness of abstinence programs ahead of important funding appropriations discussions. (Source: BP website)

 

Well, they must pray harder then. Or…they could pull their heads out of that certain dark place, and think for a change. Teenagers want sex; it’s an undeniable fact, and they get in trouble because sex causes pregnancy and STD’s, and your solution is what? Tell them not to have it? That’s it? Wow, that’s brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that?

The one sided reporting of the Baptist Press aside, they did hit the nail on the head when they started bitching about how panelists admitted they wouldn’t fund abstinence education even if it proved effective. That’s right, suckers: that type of message is a private matter, and up to the parents. If you want to tell your own kids abstinence is a good idea, more power to you. But the taxpayers aren’t funding it; we’ve got issues with your ideology-driven solutions. Like the fact that abstinence-only education ignores comprehensive sex-ed. That’s right; we want our teenagers to be informed, not beaten into submission only to grow up thinking sex is filthy and evil, and a source of embarrassment.

 

Sex-ed. as the Baptists see it:

“How do you get pregnant?”

“Don’t worry about it, just don’t have sex.”

“But how do I get pregnant once I’m married?”

“Don’t worry about it, just don’t have sex.”

“What about STD’s?”

“Don’t worry about it, just don’t have sex.”

“But…”

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, JUST DON’T HAVE SEX!”

 

 

 

 

Fun with Politics (116)

Sadness in the Obama camp, endless looping of Reverend Wright’s comments: it’s time for a distracting news update:

When Kasey Kazee from Catlettsburg, Kentucky decided to rob a liquor store, he, of course, needed to conceal his face. What better way to do that than by wrapping your head in duct tape? Except for the fact that employees tackled him in the parking lot, and handed him over to police. Total missing from the cash register: $15.

 

I’m imagining the cops ripping the duct tape off his face.

 

Here comes the Bride, and there she goes…to jail. Dentist David W. Wielechowski, 32, of Shaler, and Christa Vattimo, 25, had married a month earlier in the Bahamas but repeated their vows in Pittsburgh Saturday at a reception for 150 guests. Apparently, this was not a good idea, as they got into a fight afterwards, during which the groom karate kicked his wife. She then somehow attacked two guests from another party who attempted to help her. True love is a beautiful thing.

 

An inmate in Bentonville, Arkansas, who is on trial for murder, has filed a complaint because the jail menu isn’t to his liking. He went in weighing 413 pounds, but has lost 100 over the past eight months. Broderick Laswell is practically wasting away; whenever he tries to exercise, his vision goes blurry and he feels faint. Inmates are only being fed 3,000 calories a day. It’s a travesty; what is the world coming to, if all you did was stab someone to death, set his house on fire, and you can’t even eat what you want?

 

Meanwhile, Iran’s cultural integrity is going straight to pot. The culprit: Barbie. Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi agrees with me; he wrote a letter to the Vice President of Iran to draw attention to the terrible Western influences of Barbie, Superman, Batman, and so forth and so on. They are calling it “Westoxication”, and it needs to be stopped. Incidentally, Iran is the world’s third biggest importer of these toys. Many toys are smuggled into the country, because the demand outweighs the respect for Iran’s cultural heritage. Apparently, many people care more about making money than about their integrity. Seems there’s hope for Iran after all. However; what does it tell us that this cleric seems to feel more threatened by a plastic doll than by our government?