Fun With Play-Dough

My Husband and six-year-old daughter Isabella are out running errands, and I call the cell to make sure he doesn’t forget to pick up certain things.

“What did she want?” Isa asks, and he tells her I need some stuff from the store.

She asks: “Like what?” and she has that tone; the one that says: don’t lie to me. I smell something mysterious.

“It’s a very long story,” he tells her.

“I have time. Tell me.”

“Maxi Pads,” he replies without thinking things through.

“What are Maxi Pads?” Oh, crap.

So he gives her some vague story about how it’s not really blood; it’s actually baby food, and if you don’t have a baby, it comes out, and so on and so forth. Baby food, huh, so that’s what that is. Glad we got that out of the way.  Next, she’ll be asking why I don’t bottle it up and donate it to the food bank. “I didn’t want her to be freaked out,” he says. Of course, I have no right to be critical of him, he was in a pinch, and you have to say something. It’s not as if my explanation about “really big band-aids” was all that satisfying.

In spite of my husbands stellar explanation, she doesn’t drop it; this is much too interesting a topic. Like a terrier she hangs on, and continues to ask questions when she gets home: “Is it like those white thingies with the little strings that I like to pull apart?” she asks. “That’s right,” my husband says, and disappears into his office to buy time.

Why is it that children always ask these types of questions before we’ve had time to come up with a satisfying answer? I suddenly have a lot of sympathy for those parents that invented the stork and the cabbage patch; I’m even considering using those myself. That way, if she spreads any stories around at school, I don’t have to worry they think we’re traumatizing her by disclosing too much too early. They’ll just think we’re too old fashioned; I think I can live with that.

The total number of FLDS children in custody now stands at 462, because an additional 25 women who claimed to be over 18 turned out to be a little younger. Thirty of them are allegedly pregnant.

It is obvious we haven’t heard the end of this, but what I’d like to know is, what’s going to happen to the men? Is anybody going to be arrested one of these days? Is the compound going to be shut down? Don’t talk to me about freedom of religion; these men are disgusting predators and must be held accountable.

Meantime, foster families that have agreed to take some of the children in are give pointers on how to make things go more smoothly. No Television, radio, or movies are allowed, and neither is the color red.

That’s right; FLDS members believe that red is reserved for Jesus, and should not be used for clothing, or interior decorating.

Funny, how people can justify rape on a grand scale, but if you wear a red shirt, you’re going to hell. I guess you have to have your priorities. I hope the little kids rebel and sneak in some TV time. I wonder, is PBS still showing the Big Red Dog?

In truly weird news today, 73-year old Josef F. from Vienna, Austria, was taken into custody after police found out he had held his daughter Elizabeth captive in his basement for 24 years. He also allegedly fathered six children with her. How anyone can get away with something like that, and for so long, is an utter mystery to me. But hen, maybe there are some things I’d rather not know.

Continuing to whine about Hillary’s math is like trying to milk the bull while the cow is standing a few feet away; wondering when the hell anybody is going to pay attention to her.

Sorry for the run-on sentence, but there is no story here, and I wish the media would stop trying to create one.

Meantime, some bad reports are coming from the Windy City. I have a bit of a soft spot for Chicago; it was he first place I landed when I immigrated to America. The man who is now my husband indulged my need to go to all the usual places a fresh immigrant likes to see, from Dunkin’ Donuts to Macy’s, and I have fond memories. We even went back for our honeymoon, although it was so bloody cold my face froze within ten seconds of leaving our hotel.

With the recent increase in violence, the city has decided to up security, and the cops have been handed some fun new weapons. Will it help? Maybe; if they don’t shoot their eye out first.

I know what Chicago needs: a real life Batman. I can just see him swinging from the Sears Tower. Hey, isn’t Huckabee looking for a new high-profile job? I wonder if the black-rubber-look would work for him.