I Can’t Take Me Anywhere

Contrary to popular opinion, having children hasn’t killed our social life; at least, not entirely. Some days we wish it had. Taking our children anywhere oftentimes is like Russian roulette: you just don’t know whether the next time you pull the trigger will be the last.  Parents everywhere know: misbehavior at someone else’s house is completely different from misbehavior at home.

At home, you can be your fun-loving, sarcastic self; snotty comments and ‘whatevers’ can be uttered without the fear of being judged for your poor parenting skills. If they break something, it’s not you who needs to feel embarrassed, and the line “if you don’t knock it off, I’ll spank you until you can’t sit for a week” can be used at will. Not that I’d ever say anything like that, but still; it’s nice to know I could if I wanted to.

Kids instinctively know that you are powerless in the company and homes of others; therefore, they will try things they wouldn’t dream of doing at home. That’s okay; you will have to go home at some point, and parents have much longer memories than kids. Every parent since the beginning of time has had the following exchange:

“You are in so much trouble, young lady!”

“What? Why?”

“Do you remember what you did back there?”

“Nothing?”

“On the contrary. Let me remind you.”

This is known as “parenting-on-delay”, and I don’t have a problem with it. I’m a mom; holding grudges comes naturally. The part that I’ve had trouble with is the need to apologize incessantly. Get invited anywhere, and I always feel like apologizing ahead of time for what my children might do, whether it is breaking things, arguing with other children, or simply not listening. Setting my children up for failure always results in drama, and thus I get to apologize again when things actually do go south.

I admit, I’m sick of it. All children do naughty things, so why do I feel as if mine are the only ones that ever cross the line? As usual, it’s all in my head; it’s not my children that need to improve their behavior, instead, I need to adjust my expectations.  That means not immediately thinking of bad things that can happen, and not immediately responding to any invitation by saying: “But I have kids!” as if they are some kind of liability. I have to say, this is hard; as is often the case when I’m faced with parenting questions, I’m the one that has to adapt and grow.  Once again, the parenting ball is squarely in my corner; and I wonder, am I raising them, or is it the other way around?