Fun with Politics (88)

Do we dare listen to the debate tonight? I am wondering if Hillary will have anything new to share, or if it will be more of the same. I think we’ve just about had it with Rev. Wright and the accusation of elitism. We want something new, so here are some pointers for this evening’s Democratic debate that will allow the candidates to talk about stuff that actually matters:

 

 

1. Gun control, baby!  Today is the anniversary of the Virginia Tech bloodbath; it’s the perfect time to address this issue once and for all. It is still too easy for anybody to get their hands on a gun; no one needs an AK 47 in their linen closet. No one. No disrespect, but the NRA lost its leader; right now they are at their weakest. Strike while the iron is hot.
2. The environment continues to be a hot button; it’s never enough. Bush just gave a rambling speech today; advisors for both campaigns should have plenty of time to rip it apart before tonight’s event. Explain why he is useless, and how the Dems can do a better job. Honestly, you’ve got Gore in your party; this is a no-brainer.
3. A long and detailed discussion of how education will be improved under Democratic rule. Use big words, so Conservative talk show hosts can’t respond right away.
4. Speaking of conservative talk shows; can they be outlawed? We all know Free Speech doesn’t really exist.  Ask Reverend Wright.
5. Bring back jobs by super-taxing Wal-Mart for buying crap from China. And for not paying their employees enough. And for constructing these ugly buildings all over the place. And for being Wal-Mart.

 

 

Just some ideas; I’ll have more later but I’m running out of time. Get to work! And Hill, I still like you, but if you say the word “bitter” even once tonight, I’m giving up for good.

Fun with Politics (87)

Bitter a. 1 Sharp to the taste  2 sorrowful, painful, resentful, etc. 3 harsh

Can one single word in the English language change the race? Time will tell. Right now, the ‘bitter’ debate rages on, because we’ve temporarily forgotten there are more important things to talk about. Meanwhile, I don’t hear anyone attacking Obama on his actual politics. Is that a good sign, or not? 

Maybe Michelle Obama provided her husband with the “Colbert Bump”.  On the other hand, Spitzer had the CB, and in the end, it would have been better if he had never been elected.

 

Bush, while addressing climate change: “When I took office, seven years ago, we had a problem.”

Yes we did, George. In fact, the problem is still here. It’s you. You should have never been President. Future generations will demand an explanation of why we ever allowed you into the White House. “Why?” they’ll ask, with that accusing tone in their voice that only those with hindsight can afford. “You might as well have elected Mickey Mouse.”

And they’ll be right.

 

Let’s hope we don’t make the same mistake a second…I mean, a third time.

 

 

Fun with Politics (86)

And what did Bush tell Pope Benedict today? Well, here’s some of what the public heard:

“We need your message to reject this dictatorship of relativism and embrace a culture of justice and truth.”

Great; and he pronounced all those pretty words just right. But does he know what they mean? Does anybody? “Dictatorship of relativism,” what the hell? “Culture of Justice and Truth,” what, is Bush admitting we need a change of government? I’m intrigued.

He went on to say: “In a world where some see freedom as simply the right to do as they wish, we need your message that true liberty requires us to live our freedom not just for ourselves, but in a spirit of mutual support.”

“Not just for ourselves,” that’s right Bushy, and that means you. And your fat friends, who continue to abuse the White House as their personal frat house. How about you use that “mutual support” for the people that are truly different than you? The poor, the veterans, the elderly that can barely make ends meet; why don’t you raid the Pope’s suitcases? I bet with what one of those dresses costs, you can feed a family of four for a month.

 “Most of all, Holy Father, you will find in America people whose hearts are open to your message of hope,” Bush said next. Well, yeah, and if you search hard enough, you will also find people who believe they were abducted by aliens.  Speak for yourself, George.

“In a world where some treat life as something to be debased and discarded, we need your message that all human life is sacred and that each of us is willed, each of us is loved, and each of us is necessary.”

Well, now you’re just pandering. Abortion, stem-cell research, blah blah blah. Someone get me a drink.

What Bush told Benedict in private, we’ll never know. The Pope’s voice was quavering quite a bit, so I hope Bush didn’t take him aside to threaten him if he said anything mean.