Fun with Politics (44)

Eliot Spitzer must feel pretty sorry for himself these days. He lost his job, his wife is probably not talking to him, he disappointed a lot of people, and he’s not sure yet about the extent of his legal troubles. However, there are always those who have it worse. Buck up, Spitzy, at least you…

 

 

1. Haven’t been stuck to a toilet seat for two years, like that 35-year-old woman in Ness City, Kansas. She had apparently been hiding out in the bathroom for quite a while, eventually refusing to come off the toilet altogether, until she started growing around the seat. When the boyfriend finally called for help, they had to pry the toilet seat off, and remove it from her body in the hospital.
2. Aren’t one of the stray cats in Randolph, Iowa, which can now officially be hunted down for a $5 bounty.
3. Didn’t try to snatch the purse of 83-year-old Bernie Garcia, who wasn’t having any of that and foiled the would-be robber’s attack, after which he was caught and put in the slammer. Once there, I’m guessing he will be hearing about this story for quite a while.
4. Didn’t get burned to death, like Chinese Wang, who married his wife Luo on February 2^nd of this year. They fought, they got drunk, and he tried to go to bed without washing his feet, after which she set fire to the sheets.  I bet ‘Kristin’ was much, much nicer than that.
5. Didn’t try to buy a coffee at the NY Dunkin’ Donuts, without wearing any pants, like 46-year-old John Greco did this week.  That’s a whole different type of lewd behavior.
6. Aren’t affiliated with a certain law practice in Fort Wayne, Indiana, where some anonymous idiot sent a package, which was subsequently deemed ‘suspicious’.  The bomb squad was called; they X-rayed the package, then decided to detonate it with a water cannon. The package contained a turnip, wrapped in a gift bag. Very dangerous, those turnips.
7. Don’t have to clean up those port-a-potties I saw lying around the Atlanta streets after being blown over by the tornado.  There’s something to be said for being unemployed.