Fun With Play-Dough

Ralph Nader is running again?? Sonofabitch! I thought they were kidding!

Shouldn’t somebody monitor that man’s medication? Honestly, how delusional can you get?  I have to hand it to the Repu’s today: they can just sit back and relax, while laughing their asses off. 

Wait- that’s our job.

So, here goes. The top ten ways to get rid of Nader:

1.   AC claims he’s been working out; he could invite Ralph for an interview and deck him. Must See TV.

2.   Replace his voice in all interviews by that of the real Ralphie.

3.   Lock him in a room with Al Gore and see what happens. Tell Gore there are no rules, but that we will ALL install solar panels on our houses if he wins.

4.   Explain to him that he makes Huckabee look sexy.

5.   Start a letter writing campaign. Use one whole sheet for each word. Remind him how many trees we are not saving.

6.   Ask Hillary to release her inner bitch. I know he is afraid of her.

7.   Send an unemployed actor to his house; dressed as a polar bear. Have him maul Nader. Take pictures; distribute on the Internet. (Oh, that’s why you’re green, you sick bastard!)

8.   Take out full-page ads in all major newspapers, saying  “Thank you, Ralph,” and sign it “Your pal, Dick Cheney.”

9.   Tell him McCain has promised to outlaw Boca burgers

10.  Promise him a free lifetime supply of pot, if only he leaves the country. He’s obviously smoking it now.

Please, Mr. Nader; we all recycle, we’re all doing our part. When is it going to be enough? Being green means putting the planet first, and it is not compatible with having an oversized ego. Because when you’re really honest about yourself, that’s what this is really about.