Fun with Pregnancy: More stuff Pregnant Women Need

Even if you lose 20 pounds during the first three months because of all your nausea, you will still look and feel fat. You’ll just have to accept it for now; no use worrying about something you can’t do anything about until after you have your baby. Plus, all those size zero Hollywood women you see on television are:

 

A)   Genetically altered

B)   Dead.

 

You are fat. You are getting fatter by the minute. It will be a long time before you will fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes again; you will have to live with the knowledge that you now have to shop for fat clothes. 

 

I always thought the maternity store was a logical place to start; after all, what they sell is specifically designed for pregnant women. I was wrong. I visited a nice looking maternity store in a Louisiana Mall (one of the fattest states in the US, by the way) and found garments in sizes S through L, and I barely fit the L.

I was five months pregnant and had just started to show. What the hell were they thinking, putting anything on the rack that says “S” on the label? What, this is where pregnant elves shop?

If you’ve ever wondered why it is so quiet inside the maternity store, it is because most women need exactly 30 seconds to figure out this is not a healthy place. The clothes are either too small or too ugly, all of them are too expensive; after our first visit, we never go back.

 

During my first –and last- visit, I was horrified at the quality and style of what was offered. No all of use want to look like an extra on Little House on the Prairie, thank you very much. Finally, I found a pair of overalls for $100; add the $30 nursing bra, the $10 tent-sized panties, the $100 new shoes you have to buy each week because of water retention, and a $50 T-shirt to go with the overalls, and voila: a $290 outfit. What will you wear the rest of the week? What if you spill your breakfast five minutes after you get dressed? Because you know that is exactly what will happen. Pregnant women are klutzy like that.

 

Nowadays they seem to have cute and affordable things at Target; I don’t know how comfortable it all is b/c I have no longer any reason to shop in the maternity section. I sincerely hope it’s better than it was. Because if there’s one thing a pregnant woman needs it’s clothes, clothes, and more clothes. Once baby is born you’ll be up to your neck in onesies; now is the time to treat yourself.