Fun with Politics (6)

Dear Hillary and Barack,

 

I mean no disrespect, but I have to tell you: when you two fight, nobody wins.  So stop it. Instead, try to dig up some dirt on the real opponent; I’m sure there’s something to be found on McCain, somewhere, somehow.

Okay, so the whole lobbyist thing kind of fell flat. Although the journalists might be able to keep it alive for a few more days, I don’t really think it’s going to score that many points. It’s time for a new smear. Ask yourselves:

• Has he ever kicked a puppy?
• Has he ever smoked something that he shouldn’t have?
• Has he ever under-tipped or yelled at a waitress?
• Does he always wash his hands after going to the bathroom?
• How does he treat his neighbors? Does he mow the lawn in an unattractive undershirt; does he pick up the paper?
• Has he ever been in a sex video?
• Has he really, honestly, ab-so-lute-ly, paid all his taxes?
• Does he recycle, even when it’s hard?
• Does he have any obscure friends in showbiz?
• Did he vote for Sanjaya in 2007?
• How are his parking habits? (People that don’t park between the lines are very unpopular in this country)
• Was he ever, or is he now, a closet Aaron Carter fan?
• Is he one of those people that always drink decaf?
• Does he hit other people’s ankles with the cart when grocery shopping?
• Does he cut in line?
• Does he push his seat too far back during international flights?
• Does he pick his nose at a stop sign?

 

These are just some suggestions; I’m sure you can come up with a few yourselves. Remember: nothing unites like a common enemy.  Good Luck!